The other day I found myself reading something about Robin Williams and his suicide. It started off with the selfish question of “how could you do this to us, to your family?” and ended with the realization that you can’t possibly understand if you haven’t been there. Obviously, anyone successful in their suicide is not here to fully explain their reasoning, and those friends and family members who remain are left to guess as to the source of this final and irreversible solution. Those who have attempted it unsuccessfully can shed some light on the subject. Those that have contemplated it can add color to the discussion. And those who have not contemplated, nor attempted suicide haven’t a clue.
How dark does it have to get to choose death over life? I’m writing this as I see my 60th revolution around the sun about halfway to completion. I love life for the most part. And I don’t fear death necessarily. Not now. Not when I’m healthy and able to do most everything I want to and my dark side is controlled, all boxed-up nice and neat, covered in brown paper and tied with a string. At least that’s how I picture it. I cannot imagine what it would be like if the string were to unravel and the paper disintegrate. The demons would then be allowed free-reign, a Pandora’s box of sorts opened, and all bets are off as to what would happen next. Unlikely that would happen, but you never know. We are fragile beings. Fortunately I have only seem small glimpses of my demons. I don’t like them very much.
I do fear old age though, and this is where I have contemplated if suicide, or perhaps euthanasia, would be a viable alternative to watching one’s mind slip away or one’s body betray you. I’m far from either of these states of being, but it does give me pause. I don’t have children who will care for me in my old age, or for me to continue to “live” for. And, should my partner be in better health, I would not ask nor want her to be my caretaker. So in this vein, yes, I have contemplated my potential options. Having said that, the next fear is that I might be in no position to do it myself. But that, one would hope, is a long way down the road, not to be resolved here and now.
Bottom line is this: I don’t know what dark places or angry demons prompts one to resort to suicide as the solution to their pain, but I can’t judge their decision as I know it had to be the most difficult decision of their life. There are worse things to endure in this life, which death alleviates. And I do believe our souls are eternal. If energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only change form, then we have always been, are now, and will always be. So the option of suicide may not, in fact, be a terrible choice. Compared to a future of unrelenting suffering, suicide is painless.
~ jwb ~
Suicide does not end pain. The pain lives stronger and longer in the loved ones left behind. It is a cruel way to die ,for all involved, and more ate involved than just the poor soul who saw no other way out of his darkness.
I agree totally, Bev. I was focusing on the individual who makes this end-of-life decision, not on the friends and relatives. For the individual, the pain and struggle is over. We can’t possibly know how dark their lives are to cause them to resort to this very final decision. But ultimately it is their right, regardless of the trail of tears left behind.