A number of years ago I worked with a man who was very smart, very well-read, very passionate, and very, very opinionated. He knew how everything should work, and what everyone should do, and often struggled to understand why others did not think like him. That was his nature and it was neither good nor bad, it just was. He also knew this about himself, and while it didn’t stop him from prophesying, he often said his wife would tell him, repeatedly, “Don’t think everyone wants what you want.” This short, but powerful and simply stated sentence remains with me (along with, “don’t believe everything you think”).
This is hard for a good portion of us, because we tend to believe we know what’s best for others . . . for our children (at least once they get older, since when they are young we do know what’s best for them), our significant others, our aging parents, our friends, our coworkers. “You know what you should do?” “You know what I would do if I were in your shoes?” “You know what you need to do?” Or the one my father was famous for saying to my mother, “You know what’s wrong with you, Jean?” You get my drift.
The problem is this: we don’t really know what someone else should do, or needs to do. We know what we would do in any given situation, and why. But they are not us. The reality is they are doing exactly what they should be doing . . . because they are doing it. A bit of a paradox perhaps, but reality is truly what is, not what we think it should be. For instance, if someone shouldn’t take drugs – from our exalted point of view – and yet they continue to do so, the reality is they should continue doing so because they are. No matter how much we wouldn’t do the same will never change the fact that at that particular moment in time, they are. That, my friend, is the reality of the situation.
We are in control of only two things on this earth – ourselves and our actions. If you take care of yourself, and do the right things as you understand them to be right, the rest of the people around you will do the right things as they understand them to be right, and the Universe will continue to take care of itself as it has done for many a millennia. And, added bonus here: by doing that, and not trying to change the people around you because you think they should change and do things your way, much angst is removed from your life, a burden lifted from your shoulders, and a peacefulness settles in your soul. It’s your life you’re living now, not anyone else’s.
~ jwb ~
Worst than that is the old ” I told you so” ! Like things would have turned out different if you did things the way the other person would have. Since we can’t predict future events, nobody can say for sure. So the dreaded “I told you so” should be added to the “this is what you should do” list. Not a fan of either.?
Consider it added! After telling people what they should do, if they don’t take our advice, this affords us the opportunity to say “I told you so.” Everyone has to be right it seems. Which somehow, seems wrong!