The Gain in Losing

I recently began a de-cluttering class, orchestrated by Joshua Becker, a minimalist advocate and avid de-clutterer.  I am now into the third week and admit I’ve done very little to date, but mostly because I’m a good soldier and have been patiently biding my time until our master instructor gives the word.  Or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. Now?  The word has been given, and I find I’m a little nervous and hesitant, to be honest.  And I don’t know why.

My house is tidy.  It would not appear to be “cluttered” to you.  My partner and I are not hoarders, with paths leading to each room.  But please, oh please, oh please, don’t open a dresser drawer or closet of mine!  I don’t know how, or why, or when, I accumulated so many clothes.  And in such a wide variety of sizes!  What what I thinking?  Prepping for the inevitable ice age when I will have to layer?  I live in Florida, for Pete’s sake!  I’m more likely to be flooded, so yes, the 8 bathing suits might come in handy, but the other stuff?  Geez…

None of this excess is because I’m some sort of fashionista.  On the contrary, one look at the clothes I wear will tell you I am quite far removed from anything resembling fashionable.  There aren’t 100 pairs of shoes to match each outfit, or dresses, or slacks, or blouses for every occasion.  I’m into comfort, so we’re talking t-shirts and jeans and shorts and sneakers (can we still call them that?).  Oh, there are a few pairs of slacks and blouses and suits for work, but my office has been all casual, all the time, for a couple of years now, so it’s highly unlikely I’ll wear many of those clothes again.  And, perhaps the real tragedy is this: many of my clothes no longer even fit.  I’ve, um, passed that middle-age growth spurt where width increases, and never seems to decrease.  Some clothes still have tags on them. They were on sale, after all, and I thought one day I’d fit into them.  Heavy sigh.

So, yes, I want (need) to clean out my clothes and other varied storage areas.  Let most of it go.  But I have an ulterior motive. This is about more than just minimizing clothes and other trinkets accumulated over the years.  The real reason?  De-cluttering my mind.  I have come to believe my cluttered mind has manifested in my accumulation of stuff.  As I strive to become more Buddha-like, I struggle (the antithesis of Buddhism) with myself.  With my mind.  I am not where I want to be on any given day and I struggle to find the path that will lead me there.  I talk a good talk.  The walking part?  Mmm, not so good.  I think, or rather hope, that by slowly working my way through my stuff, this will be the catharsis which will help me find that hidden path.  I know that part of the reason I need to de-clutter is because the stuff in my home and closets weighs heavy on my mind, most especially when I have to squeeze one more item of clothing in a drawer already filled to the brim.  But the more important part is because the path I seek is one which leads to a simpler way of life, clear and unencumbered by possessions, and hence clear and unencumbered by thoughts which don’t benefit my inner psyche.  Deep, I know.

Stuff is directly related to peace of mind – at least in the piece of my mind that dwells on finding the peace in my mind.  That whatever security or comfort I have found in buying clothes (and other stuff) can be found elsewhere.  Like within me.  Within my mind.  If that which weighs me down is jettisoned, then the extra space in my mind created by that absence will be a welcome respite.  It may be the perfect place to find a quiet and peaceful spot in which to rest.  I just need to de-clutter a bit first.

~ jwb ~