Destiny is Calling (Would you answer that please?)

I recently read a post on Facebook by an author I admire and follow, Gretchen Rubin, about finding your true calling in life. Since I have yet to receive that call, I find myself often – probably more often than I’d like to admit – questioning myself, asking that age-old question, what do you want to be when you grow up? I’m pushing 60 and keep thinking that I’d better decide that sooner rather than later. Regardless, this post led me to a TED Talk video, where a young woman, Emilie Wapnick, discussed this subject, beginning with that same question, followed by the question, does it cause anxiety? Yes, oh yes, it certainly does.

Passion. I have always believed that’s what I lack. Passion. And that those who have a passion, by default, have discovered their calling, a calling which beckons and tugs at them, and which they follow, passionately, because they can do nothing else. It is almost beyond their control. I have not had that experience, that passion, that calling. There are many things I enjoy, some I love, but not one that specifically calls to me.  And yes, there is a dial tone, I checked. I lack passion.

Or not. In this particular TED Talk video, Emile suggests there are many of us who are not drawn to one specific thing, but rather to many and varied things, at different points in our lives. Since early childhood, however, we have been programmed by that one question, designed to focus us on one thing, and one thing only – what do you want to be when you grow up? Oh yes, surely it’s asked to get a cute answer out of a young one, but it does give validity to the assumption that you should know what you want to do with your life. You need a direction, a path, unfettered and direct, to your goals.  Unfortunately, that means many people, like me, feel that we have somehow lost our way, failed, let down our families and friends. We are less than what we could be. We are an example of what could have been, but wasn’t.

My brother, for example, is extremely smart, talented, creative, and athletic. I am envious of him because his skills are innate. He can pick up an instrument and play it. He can create artistic works without even trying. He points a camera, a little compact camera mind you, and takes a picture in a way that most of us would not even think to take it. And then he puts a caption below it which is often absolute perfection. He runs and walks and hikes, always staying active. He can drink a micro-brew and identify and describe the many hidden flavors within. He amazes me. And yet, he chooses to live a life uncomplicated by any of those skills, perhaps because he never had to work at developing them. They are simply him. He works at a job he’s done for probably over 20 years now. He doesn’t make a lot of money, and lives in a small apartment in the basement of a house. He plays his guitar with friends, for fun. He creates when the mood strikes, for fun. He hikes, often, and revels at the views and the peace nature affords him. And I am envious of this also. His passions are many and varied, and he seems, to me, content.

We can chase dreams, or not. I feel better to have discovered I am not alone in not finding my “calling.” Perhaps the phone rang and I chose not to answer, but I think mostly it’s because there’s so much to look at out there that I can’t focus on one thing to the detriment of all others. I am not great at anything, but I am good at some things. The call many never come, for me, but I am slowly learning to be content with that knowledge.

~ jwb ~