The Path Less Traveled

After a recent discussion with a friend about our very human need to be right (discussed in an earlier blog), I started thinking about exploring the next level of that premise. Once we consciously realize that everyone wants or needs to be right, how do we learn to truly accept that fact, with both grace and comfort? Let’s face it, it’s easy to back down from an argument and let someone else have the last word, but we usually walk away, muttering under our breath, spewing a few choice curse words, because we know they’re wrong and we’re right, and who the heck are they anyway to think the way they think, and OMG! there were so many other things I could have, no, should have said, but no, I took the higher ground and so all is right with the world, but I still feel like crap and want to go finish this stupid argument so they can understand just how freakin’ wrong they really are! Whew! This walking away from the argument, in anger, might be called the “agree to disagree” method. Oftentimes, you find you’re still torn up inside over it. It still irks you. You haven’t gotten past the fact that you’re right, they’re wrong, even though you made the conscious decision to end a fruitless conversation. As my friend told me, she even lost sleep over a recent difference of opinion.

So what’s the answer to that? I believe it’s working toward creating a new path to travel, creating a new set of neural pathways in your brain, if you will. To truly, unconditionally, accept the fact that no one is really right – we simply all have opinions which we feel strongly and passionately about. Being passionate does not add validity to your opinion. Just as talking louder and over someone else doesn’t win the argument. Acceptance means understanding that while you’re passionate in your beliefs and opinions, your adversary is just as passionate in theirs. Arguing with them, or being offended by their opinions, doesn’t mean their passion is misplaced. It means that your passion has blinded you. This type of acceptance can’t just be the “I’ll shut up now” acceptance. In order to find true peace of mind – and to sleep at night – one must work toward embracing this new and improved thought process and then, simply, rest into it. It’s okay to have differences of opinion. It’s also okay to be passionate about something and to fight for a cause. But arguing loudly over that belief or cause does nothing to further your objective. You won’t win anyway when your adversary is just a passionate in the opposite direction.

Is this acceptance easy? Nope. But in this world, filled with negativity, accusations, antagonism, anti-social media, etc., is it necessary? Yes, if we want to broker peace with those around us. They may never know how or why you’ve changed, but they will sense it. And when it is your turn to speak, and voice your opinion, do so with a quiet calmness, with confidence and conviction, and then let it go. You never know, you may plant a seed. What you will know is that you now have peace of mind, knowing you’ve said what you felt needed saying, not to be right, but rather to add more color, other options, or another viewpoint, to the conversation. Even better? You’ll sleep a bit more peacefully having taken this less traveled path.

~ jwb ~

Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You’re able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment.

~ Ralph Marston ~